so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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