Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's like iHOP with fire
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
