but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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