A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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