I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
