i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
