i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
