I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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