You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
