Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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