I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I smell stomach acid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
