we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
