and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Someone signed my nipple.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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