He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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