Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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