I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
