Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize