so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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