just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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