Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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