how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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