Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
