this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
how drunk are you?
Several
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
