You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
