Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
