I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to sanitize my soul.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
