I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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