god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
