So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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