what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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