I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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