Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
