He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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