Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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