I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
