So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
