So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
