i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
