i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
