Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
