is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
