I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
