I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
