i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I supernannyed him into submission
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
