Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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