last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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