i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
