I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
