My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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