He uses pillows to masturbate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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