And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
