omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
