This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
