Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
