What a fucking waste of an outfit
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
