you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
