I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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