I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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