uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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