READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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