i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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