That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
