How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
