How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
