He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so let's talk penis.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
