Umm I'm too high to move.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize