I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
