Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
