I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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