Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
