garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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