I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
