TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
