i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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