are you so shy because you have an std?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize